The Worst Cheese in the World

Perhaps it’s wrong to blame the cheese.
But cheese doesn’t have any feelings, it’s just exists for our pleasure.
So for once I don’t have to worry about offending anyone on my blog. Now that’s a relief.

A friend of mine came for dinner the other night who’s on le regime, a diet. While shopping at the supermarket I spotted this reduced-fat cheese, checked out the short list of ingredients on the reverse (which listed no icky ingredients), so I tossed it in my handbasket and headed to the checkout.


I got home, unwrapped it and immediately my apartment smelled rather, um, funky.
And not like that good-funky that a fabulously-ripe camembert or brie smells like, but a vaguely familiar funky, with a smell that I couldn’t put my finger on it. When my friend arrived a bit later (who’s quite refined and sophisticated, and lives in the swank place des Vosges), she removed her Hermès jacket and scarf, took a whiff then looked at the sorry specimen, screwed up her face, and said, “Ugh. That smells like a fart.”

If you happen to be eating cheese while reading this, sorry about the analogy.

And before you pooh-pooh low-fat, there’s a long list of low- or non-fat items that rock our world: pink marshmallow Peeps, dried sour cherries, gumdrops, Berthillon’s bitter chocolate sorbet, prunes, candy corn, rice, meringue, pasta, cranberry sauce, matzoh, Cracker Jack’s, dark brown sugar, Jewish rye bread, dried-out leftover turkey breast meat, sushi, and orange-flavored Chuckles.)


But this cheese was indeed the worst cheese I’ve ever come across.
It had absolutely no flavor. But still, I kept it on my kitchen counter for a few days pondering another use for it. Perhaps macaroni and cheese? Melting it for a sandwich?
I hate throwing anything away, especially food…after all, I am my mother’s son.

That was my first and last experience with fromage allegé. Finally after a few aromatic days I suffered in my apartment, I tossed it. I’m sticking with the real thing. If you’re going to live in France, why bother with anything else?


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  • November 22, 2005 1:58pm

    merzer! (i’m a brat, aren’t i?) a fart? that’s insulting to a fart! i would say what I think it smells like but that might offend some people, so i’m just gonna leave it at that. :P

  • November 22, 2005 5:12pm

    Hey man, i wrote about cheese that smells like farts on my blog a couple of weeks ago. Check out my take on the whole situation under the post “Cutting the Royal Blue Stilton Cheese” at

    p.s. your fresh shelling bean salad is da bomb

  • Jay
    November 22, 2005 9:44pm

    what kind of cheese would you recommend for those who haven’t got a clue except their sense of smell?

  • November 23, 2005 5:42am

    Ooh, I had a similar experience with the boulette d’Avesnes. Until then, I thought it was impossible to meet a cheese I wouldn’t like:

  • November 23, 2005 5:44am

    oh, stinky cheeses, good stinky ones, from france, are always the best… i love visiting the cheese counter and asking for un petit gout, then buy a whole chunk! ;)

  • November 23, 2005 9:21am


    Here’s my stinky cheese story:

  • November 23, 2005 12:35pm

    All hail the almighty pink Marshmallow Peeps!

  • Alisa
    November 24, 2005 11:49am

    In the Jeopardy category of fabulous first literary lines, “Perhaps it’s wrong to blame the cheese” is a $500 answer.

  • November 24, 2005 12:10pm

    Your post made me laugh out loud ;) I just bought some *strange* smelling camembert, but I cannot recall its name for the life of it (something like Courtages, Courtageres?)… I had to put it in a sealable Ziploc bag right after the first day (probably not the best place to keep it), the whole fridge smelled already more than *odd*. One of the few occasions when I place ground coffee on a plate inside, to finally get rid of the cheese’s devise. Successfully!

  • Gideon
    November 25, 2005 5:53pm

    You bought low fat cheese? shame on you! You’re lucky they didn’t didn’t revoke you carte de sejour for that. The French are very particular about their cheeses.

  • November 26, 2005 6:56pm

    Better eat no cheese instead of eating a low-fat one!!! I love real and stinky cheese from Switzerland or France, and that means that no diet spicimen will ever end up on my table…

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