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« Not Very Appetizing September 13, 2007
Why do people call you thirty minutes before you've invited them for dinner? It's something I don't understand. Usually if you're having folks for dinner, if you're anything like me, during those precious few minutes before everyone arrives you're racing around in your undies trying to get everything together so you can look relaxed when they arrive.
 
There's a couple of rules in Paris about dinner parties: The first is that you never, ever show up on time. Thirty minutes late is normale, and if you show up earlier you just may catch your host in their undies too (which may or may not be such a bad thing.) Another is that you need to get people's digicode in advance. Most buildings in Paris have a complex series of numbers and letters that you need to press on a pad by the entry to get into the building. Sadly, people have a way of forgetting them and having to frantically call you from the sidewalk since they can't get in. And lastly, no one in France has food allergies so if you're invited for dinner, if you have an food issues, you'd better pipe up in advance or be prepared to eat Tête de veau...which, believe me, you don't want to eat.
 
And meanwhile your mind is racing and all you can think about are those darned cubic hairs in the bathroom—which Dane Perlman called them in Health Ed which made the rest of us far more sophisticated sixth-graders torment him for the next few weeks—that you'd better get rid of. So last week I made carnitas for friends, which is the perfect thing to make since it demands...no, begs....to be made well in advance. It's great for Paris dinner parties since you never know when guests will arrive...like the one friend I have who regularly arrives 1½ hours late. But Mexican food in Paris is usually horrible. I'm not sure why since it's one of the worlds great cuisines. But outside of the Americas....well, let's just say it hasn't traveled so well. So I like to make it to shake things up. When I told my fish-boy friend that I was making Mexican food, he started grimacing and holding his taut, rock-hard, ripped youthful stomach, saying how heavy and bad it was. Then he started recounting his encounters with the Mexican food here and I told him about fresh fish marinated in lime juice with chiles (which perked him up) and caramelized chunks of meltingly-tender pork. Which perked me up. And which probably explains why he has a rock-hard tummy and I don't.
 
Of course I made elderberry Cosmopolitans. But since the French are about half the size of us Americans, they don't really hold their liquor as well as we do (except if you're in the Senate) and after one, or maybe two, frosty cocktails poured with a heavy-hand by yours truly, they start getting bleary. Which is fun, but a little dangerous: the combination of lit cigarettes and Herman Miller furniture is not a good one chez David. Tortillas hold another fascination to Parisians but not so much that they don't invariably start looking around, wondering where-on-earth is that bread basket? I've even seen Parisians scooping up Chinese food with baguettes. Seriously, is there anything better than freshly-made corn tortilla? No. Not even a fabulous baguette or even a private concert with Britney Spears. Every time I head back to the states, I leave with the certainty that I'll return with one of those plastic things that keeps tortillas warm. The folded towel doesn't really cut it. But then I find one in a store and think about my luggage so packed with Target shower curtains, dried sour cherries, and Excedrin PM, I think, "Where will I put it?" and I don't schlep one over. Next time I'm making room for one so when I'm dashing around trying to figure out how I'm going to keep those tortillas warm while the Parisians ignore them and the tortillas get cool while they go off and have their cigarettes I'll panic less since there's nothing less-appealing is a tepid, soggy corn tortilla. (Okay, maybe cigarette burns on your Eames chair). And since corn tortillas are more valuable around here than Lindsay Lohan's orange Birkin bag, ones hates to see them go to taste, don't we. For some reason I've been a red cabbage fiend lately, obsessed with it, and I made pickled cabbage by slicing some as thinly as possible then pouring an escabeche-esque mixture of cooled of vinegar, sugar, and salt that was heated and cooled then poured all over it all and I let it sit for a few days with some bay leaves. That, my friends, is a great side dish and although it doesn't go all that well when serving fancy wine, you can thank me later for giving you yet another reason to foist another round of Cosmos on everyone. Damn the fancy furniture!
 
And like they did. Those huge variegated beans are much more of a conversation piece than anything else around, except maybe my freezer packed with 14 different containers of homemade ice cream and a bag of cranberries that's celebrating it's fifth anniversary here, like I am. If it was legal, I would marry those beans. Or Rancho Gordo's owner Steve Sando. Whichever's legal first (although with my luck, I'll probably end up with the beans.) I am, like, so going to order a bunch and have them shipped to me when I go to New York City at the end of the month. (Yikes, did I really let that slip? That's it; no more Cosmos...) For dip chips, although you can get tortilla chips in the supermarket in Paris, they're fabulous. Okay, I know I said "although..."...and that's the problem. They taste like those good 'ol chips of yesteryear, before transfats were the enemy. They're thick and crackly and fat and salty. My four favorite food groups—no wonder I love them! But since I hope someday to have a Parisian ligne and haven't quite given up on seeing les abdos one day, I decided to toast up some pita chips instead. I cut pita into wedges, brushed them lightly with a mixture of olive oil with a bit of chile pepper in there for zing and some coarse salt sprinkled on top. Then I toasted them in a moderate oven for about 15 minutes until crisp to serve with the guacamole. Hey, with all the calories I saved, I can have another Cosmo.
 
Serves Eight
Fortunately for all of us—except maybe for that charming woman in Paris who recently emailed me, "Who do you think you are, you American, telling people where to go in Paris?"— I'm still planning to stick around. (Sometimes, honestly, I wonder..."Is it just me, or are people insane?" Can you imagine sending someone a message like that?) Anyhow, you're welcome to mess with the spices that I called for since it's not really all that important: just be sure not to overpower the flavor of the pork. Cumin should always, always be used in quantities where it's hardly discernable. Is there anything worse than the taste of a handful of powdered cumin? If you don't think so, I have some dirty socks festering in my laundry basket you're welcome to chew on. But a bit of oregano, some ground coriander or ginger, or a dash of allspice will certainly perk things up.
2. Heat the oil in a roasting pan set on the stovetop. Cook the pieces of pork shoulder in a single layer until very well-browned, turning them as little as possible so they get nice and dark before flipping them around. If your cooking vessel is too small to cook them in a single-layer, cook them in two batches. 3. Once all the pork is browned, remove them from the pot and blot away any excess fat with a paper towel, then pour in about a cup of water, scraping the bottom of the pan with a flat-edged utensil to release all the tasty brown bits. 4. Heat the oven to 350F (180C) degrees. 6. Add the pork back to the pan and add enough water so the pork pieces are 2/3rd's submerged in liquid. Add the cinnamon stick and stir in the chile powders, bay leaves, cumin and garlic. 7. Braise in the oven uncovered for 3½ hours, turning the pork a few times during cooking, until much of the liquid is evaporated and the pork is falling apart. Remove the pan from the oven and lift the pork pieces out of the liquid and set them on a platter. 8. Once the pork pieces are cool enough to handle, shred them into bite-sized pieces, about 2-inches (7 cm), discarding any obvious big chunks of fat if you wish. 9. Return the pork pieces back to the roasting pan and cook in the oven, turning occasionally, until the liquid has evaporated and the pork is crispy and caramelized. It will depend on how much liquid the pork gave off, and how crackly you want them. I like mine deeply, darkly, crispy brown on the outside. >
Comments I laughed out loud when I read that first sentence. I always want to say, "Have you EVER hosted a party? Do you REALLY want to be my friend?" It is truly an exercise in grace and restraint for me to let those phone calls slide. But I'm learning to loosen up. :) Posted by Sarah at September 13, 2007 3:21 PM You've done this lil latino proud I tell ya! Posted by matt at September 13, 2007 3:23 PM MMMMM Meat. Your fiesta de carnitas looks fenomonal! I'll have to hit La Taqueria for lunch (sorry, was that cruel?). As for the tete de veau, I'll gladly take your portion off your hands, thank you. Posted by brett at September 13, 2007 3:36 PM Thanks for making me laugh! And don't worry about the mean Parisian lady- I'm sure she will fall in some dog poo one day! Karma baby, karma!;-) Posted by Henriette at September 13, 2007 3:41 PM Next time you're getting stuff from Rancho Gordo, get some of Steve's Mexican oregano. I swear, no other Mexican oregano was ever so good with those beans. Or anything else, for that matter. Posted by Abra at September 13, 2007 3:45 PM I try to be on time to parties. I figure that gives me more time to eat and drink. And by the time the rest of the guests arrive, I'm the life of the party! Posted by Ellen at September 13, 2007 4:09 PM Hi David Another great post, thank you for so many, and timely (perhaps). I'm a Brit living down in the South West of France and last year we took part in the Telethon to raise money for the national charity. Took part is a bit of an understatement as we were the major event and let by my partner we cooked a meal for 150 people with an Italian theme. This year we are thinking Mexican (we have to try and educate these people on food). We have limited facilities - like just a few gas burners so can't do anything fancy but ideas Mexican that can be easily cooked on a grand scale would be very welcome from your goodself and readers. Oh, and we have to provide 3 courses and wine for 15 euros and still make money!! Ancho chile powder - does Carrefour stock that? Posted by Derek at September 13, 2007 4:25 PM Terrific post from start to finish but it's the red cabbage idea I appreciate most --as Resident Gardener keeps growing the damned things and I desperately needed new ideas for them. Posted by Casey at September 13, 2007 4:25 PM Hi David, Could relate to so many details of this. I DESPISE it when guests call me while I'm prepping. I usually ignore! I have been experimenting w/ fake Mex for guests and dinner for the family for a while now although it is not my fave. It is truly fake b/c I prefer flour tortillas and am a NYer who lived in CA for 3 yrs. Have been living in Germany (Berlin and Frankfurt) for the last 18 yrs. Tex-Mex food here is probably just as bad as in France esp. b/c of the unfamiliar and challenging spices for the local palate - except for tequila of course. Still, it is fun food for guests. Absolutely ADORE your blog and would love to do one of your food tours but I don't really like sweets!! Do you find cilantro easily in Paris? Posted by Donna at September 13, 2007 5:41 PM "...he started grimacing and holding his taut, rock-hard, ripped youthful stomach..." What do you do David, follow those boys to the changing area? Or do they just happen to be wearing T-shirts and aprons made of Saran Wrap? Oh, by the way, I have a great source for some tortillas with major life endurance. I should ship some to ya. Posted by kevin at September 13, 2007 6:03 PM I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to do this blog. My partner and I are traveling to Paris in 2 weeks, and thanks to your writing #1 on my list has changed from night view of Paris to tracking down a pretty sinful sounding Kouign Aman. Posted by Steven at September 13, 2007 6:08 PM Great, funny post! The part about the French eating Chinese food with baguettes reminds me of a Vietnamese beef stew my wife makes. It dates back to colonial days when Vietnam was called French Indochina. So instead of rice, it's eaten with baguettes, and you use flatware rather than chopsticks at the table. Posted by Terry B at September 13, 2007 6:19 PM I can't tell you how many times I've been having a party and experienced just what you're describing with all these idiots (who have NEVER had a party in their lives) calling in the last half hour! So funny and so true. The recipe looks great. This is one of my all time favorite foods. If you ever make it to Salt Lake I'll take you to the Red Iguana, where they have the best carnitas in the world! Posted by Kalyn at September 13, 2007 6:40 PM So, you're pushing carnitas for Rosh Hashanah? Posted by Robert at September 13, 2007 7:47 PM Hi-larious!!!!!! Posted by Nan at September 13, 2007 8:10 PM Here in another Mexican wasteland (Australia) it's good to see some Mexican recipes that do not require ingredients that I'll never be able to find (ever try to find the fresh tomatillos or exotic chiles demanded in better Mexican cookbooks?)
Posted by Bruce at September 13, 2007 8:22 PM Glad to know I am not the only one rushing around in my undergarments until moments before the guests arrive. Sometimes I am even in the shower if someone else is around to open the door. I wish I could be relaxed and in my loungewear, holding a cocktail when the guests arrive..maybe next time. Posted by izzy's mama at September 13, 2007 9:22 PM Great post David. I'm one of those people that usually calls 30 minutes ahead to ask if the host is sure I don't have to bring anything. I always feel bad not bringing anything to a dinner party, and that call makes me feel less guilty;) I'm such a terrible guest! Posted by Marvin at September 13, 2007 10:02 PM Marvin, I'm happy to be able to direct you towards Amy Sedaris' advice on how to be a good guest. She suggests bringing your host something practical, like butter ("butter is expensive and has many uses"), or confectioners' sugar, or light bulbs, or "a roll of those heavy blue gas station paper towels". Personally, I've got plenty of light bulbs, but I'd be thrilled if a guest showed up with a pound or two of really good European butter. Costs a fortune in Colorado. David, thanks for that recipe! And I just let the answering machine pick up while I'm running around half naked, having just remembered that thing I forgot was still sitting uncooked in my fridge... Posted by Jennifer at September 13, 2007 11:10 PM Hi David, do we know the same people? :) My favorite is the people who call for directions as they're driving over (guess there's no need to do that when you live in Paris). Did they not think to ask this question before they got in the car? And, not only are they stopping me from getting in the shower, shoving stuff in drawers, clearing the decks, etc., I know they will be at my house any moment because I'm there giving them directions. Hyperventilating. I guess we could all be better planners of our own time too but those last few hours before people show up go by at lightning speed. Posted by Terrie at September 14, 2007 1:43 AM I just want to come over and eat all of that. I mean, YUM. Maybe with a side order of fishboy too ok? Posted by michele at September 14, 2007 1:51 AM I never dreamed I would have anything to share that would help you out, David. But I do. Get a piece of soapstone, for choice, but other rocks or even thick tiles will do, cut to fit your serving basket/container. Heat it in the oven while prepping the meal then pop it under the napkin wrapped tortillas. Works for all heated breads and rolls, too. Like American biscuits. Some Texan friends brought me the press, a Roman friend the masa. Olé! Mexican food suits Italians, too, if you choose the right dishes. Not too spicy! But some homemade paste made with one of my precious stock of dried chillies in tiny bowls purchased just for the purpose, and the brave ones say, "Aiee, caramba!" Posted by Judith in Umbria at September 14, 2007 2:31 AM Very funny to see the french Image from the outside. I fully agree with you but I never cook Tete de veau for my guests. Posted by Flo Bretzel at September 14, 2007 3:07 AM so so funny! laughed out loud. makes for a good pre-sunny-lunch-time in bruxelles kind of laugh! brilliant (i wonder who's up for mexican around here?) Posted by andreea at September 14, 2007 4:49 AM I'm so that hostess, who is never dressed and sometimes not even showered (blush) when my guests turn up, even worse I still like it best when my guests to show up on time. I know, call me crazy, it's okay. Mexican food is the one thing that I haven't stopped missing in my 9 years in the NL, and every time I touchdown on US soil, I'm making a beeline to the best Mexican food to be found wherever I happen to be and then send home boxes of tortillas, which take up all my freezer space for a year! Sorry to ramble, but thanks for the inspiration for my mid-week dinner party next week, your carnitas look delicious. I envy your friends! Posted by Mari at September 14, 2007 8:58 AM If you lived in the US, David, you'd learn that a personal concert with Britney Spears is no longer anything to crow up and is surely overshadowed by fresh corn tortillas, baguettes, and even hardtack. Does the French media know better than to consider snarky celebrity gossip headline news? Posted by Rosa at September 14, 2007 9:25 AM I stuff my suitcase with things from Target as well to bring back to Paris-usually sheets, ziplock bags, garlic salt and paperbacks. Dang that weight limit. Posted by Linda at September 14, 2007 9:40 AM Another bit of heaven...ripped abs and carnitas :) Did you ever go to Los Jarritos in SF? 20th & South Van Ness. The best carnitas around. Family run for 20+ years. Also great hand patted (not pressed) corn tortillas. Posted by Fred at September 14, 2007 10:33 AM hilarious. It is good to hear people in paris actually eat food instead of complaining about what they can't eat. I am so over the food issues of folks in L.A. Posted by nyc/caribbean ragazza at September 14, 2007 11:16 AM Now that I've more or less finished cackling and drooling by turns (attractive, no?) I can only remark how lucky your dinner guests are. My dear friend Nathalie, who hails from the Languedoc, assures me that if I cook Mexican for her family they will worship me forever -- she seems to think it's considered a rare culinary jewel in France. I'm thrilled to have your carnitas recipe -- and excited that you let that bit slip about NY... Posted by Julie at September 14, 2007 2:21 PM I wish Chevy's would come to France !!! Actually, i was thinking about Derek's question and Fajitas like they serve at Chevy's would be a good idea for your gig : you can serve the tortillas, the slices of grilled chicken and/or beef, the veggies separately on a tray, and people have the choice of ingredients and dosage. Saves you a bit of work and makes the experience more personal and interactive.
OH PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEASE !!! Now that i'm older and dont drink much alcohol i get sleepy after a 6-pack of Bud but i fondly remember a few house parties in the US when taller and bigger Americans were half-asleep after 4 large cups of... BUD LIGHT !!! And the only American who out-drank me was a 40ish immigrant woman from Salvador... and boy i was not even close. David, i discovered your blog today and it's really really awesome. Posted by Fabrice at September 14, 2007 2:32 PM cubic hair? i didn't notice that when we met in london? Posted by johanna at September 14, 2007 3:18 PM Damned it Dave those carnitas are fierce! Will make those suckers again, even used some of the trim from a loin of pork and the ribs,ooooh lala!
Posted by Jeremy at September 14, 2007 4:40 PM I have one friend who does this unfailingly. She also calls me everytime we are due to meet at a restaurant - 5 or 10 minutes before the reservation - especially to ask me "what is the address again?" - you know just as I am trying to concentrate on finding a blimmin' parking spot myself and she knows i HATE driving on the cell phone. Posted by sam breach at September 14, 2007 5:00 PM Great post, but seriously, I got called on the carpet by a Parisian when I went back recently and showed up a half hour late to a dinner party...my apologies to him, but I always recalled l'heure francaise much like you do (similar to the hora espanola, i.e., do not show earlier than a half hour after the stated time). Apparently, the whole Latin disregard for punctuality in gathering times has slowly shifted in certain places! Posted by tom at September 14, 2007 5:06 PM Love Rancho Gordo AND his beans. How hard is it to find tortillas in Paris? Posted by Jane at September 14, 2007 6:36 PM This is absolutely inspiring, it all sounds delicious! Posted by Mercedes at September 14, 2007 8:23 PM David, I accept your very kind offer of your hand in marriage. I'm a little high maintenance, but I'm sure you'll adapt! Posted by Steve Sando at September 15, 2007 12:30 AM Yikes! Sorry I'm behind on responding to comments, but I picked up some bug or something at a local restaurant...
Tom: Yow. That's odd. Showing up on time is generally done by older folks. I've shown up 20 minutes after the invite said and have been the first to arrive. Of course Parisian dinner parties always last well into the night and it's hard to get folks to leave. When the métro stopped at 1am, people would make a mad dash for the door. I've heard that if the host offers orange juice to guests late in the evening, that means it's time to go. That's never happened to me, but perhaps that's not true. (And like the letter-writer pointed out, I shouldn't really be talking about Paris here anyways...) johanna: Yes, cubic hairs. Didn't you wonder why I was walking kinda funny? Brett: Well, right now with your shaved noggin', you would be walking a little more tête right now, I suppose... Henriette: Thankfully, 99.9% of the folks here are nice to me. But if I see her, I'll give her a push into that poop for you. (and me too!) nyc: People here don't have food issues (except 50% of teenage girls, who smoke so they don't have to eat...), which is a good thing since restaurants aren't so good at veering away from the printed menu or making substitutions. Luckily I eat most anything. Except tête de veau. Steven: It's hard to find an authentic Kouign Amman in Paris (Pierre Herme and Laduree have versions). Someone told me at one of the markets some Bretons come with slabs of it, but I don't know where they are. If you find them, let me know! Jane: The only corn tortillas that are available are the Old El Paso ones. I bought them. Once. I was thinking, "How bad can they be?" Um. Let's just say they ranked right up there with the salade Nicoise... Posted by David at September 15, 2007 2:56 AM Okay, David. I'm ... amazed. Do you have a clone or two or three? How can you find the time to write fabulously witty posts, cookbooks, and HOST an incredible sumptuous dinner party? (I can't even find time to write about what a miserable cook I am.) Maybe I'd better follow your recipes more closely -- you've clearly got the right food fueling your talent! Posted by Polly at September 15, 2007 8:36 AM You're funny... I have been aware of your blog for some time. After coming back from a wonderful vacation in France (Lyon and Cassis), I am a devoted reader of yours. Yes, it's not perfect, as you point out, but it's still a great place. Posted by Renee at September 15, 2007 9:15 AM At my sisters they use the El Paso mix pack for guacamole,blech! Those Swiss had no idea, I whipped up a batch of he stuff with some Italian peppers, and they were amazed! It's seriously a challenge to make Mexican or ethnic food in some parts of Europe, maybe a Mexican restaurant in Basel? Hmmmm? Jeremy Posted by Jeremy at September 15, 2007 9:24 AM Hmmm...very funny Posted by ParisBreakfasts at September 15, 2007 3:03 PM Carnitas, yum. I too, haul back tortillas from the states. When I spend too much time making salsa and guacamole I head to my butcher who makes a mean rack of ribs. I slow cook the ribs another hour, chop and spice. Posted by joyofcooking at September 15, 2007 3:03 PM Oh la vache! So many things in this post just cracked me up to the point of tears. I'm in SF now enjoying the Mexican food (well, all the food really) if you need something special lemme know, I'll be back in 4 days. Btw, have you tried Anahaucali in the 5th? It's the closest I've got to the real deal in Paris. Posted by Ms. Glaze at September 15, 2007 5:33 PM Jeremy, it's funny you should say that. When I lived in Basel (1989-1995) there WAS a Mexican restaurant, and it wasn't all that bad. But even better...there was a teeny tiny "store" somewhere in town where they made fresh corn tortillas and sold tomatillos and other assorted stuff. I couldn't believe my luck! Between that place, and a fantastic Asian market where I could actually get fresh kaffir limes (not just the leaves), I managed to cook much more exotic food than one would expect. But it sounds like the Mexican place is no longer. Shame. Posted by Jennifer at September 15, 2007 10:39 PM Great post, great blog. You had Cubic Hairs in school - we had Public Hairs. Much mirth ensued. Posted by Jim at September 16, 2007 6:59 AM So then, for those of us with food allergies, showing up early to catch our host in his undies might be the highlight of the evening? Well, that and a Cosmo. Or two. Posted by Karina at September 17, 2007 10:31 AM My husband is a Carnitas snob. He was born and raised in San Diego and used to eat them in Tijuana. He can't stand spices or oj or milk in a carnitas recipe, but frying hunks in oil didn't work well either. I made my version by browning fatty pork roast, then adding water, onion, garlic, carrot, salt and Mex. oregano and poaching it until falling apart tender. Shred and then fry in a cast iron pan with some oil, 1/4 cp, until nice a crispy and serve in warm corn tortillas w/raw onion, cheese and salsa. Guacamole is good but a little rich with the fried pork. It's crunchy pork tacos with less oil, and easier to make. Posted by Cigarlady at September 17, 2007 9:45 PM Thank you David for this inspiring recipe!! I wanted to attempt a wholesome-as-possible, sucrose-free (sucrose--I have an addiction problem with it) and butter-free oatmeal raisin cookie, so I started with your recipe, and adapted it thus: (I'm very excited, because it came out great! Let me know what you think.)
Posted by kate l at September 18, 2007 9:07 AM fresh fish marinated in lime and chiles?? uh that sounds peruvian not mexican, (seviche) Posted by chefJCF at October 2, 2007 2:30 PM |
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